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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Can you say "midlife crisis"?

An Open Letter to the Baby-Boom-Age Man I Encountered Whist Grocery Shopping Today:

Dear Mr. Walmart Shopper,

Some may call you snobby, others, ridiculous. But me, I call you an inspiration.

Your spiked hair-do lifted my spirits as I remembered back to my college days in the very early 90s when my boyfriend sported the same style. Of course, he was blond, and you are heavily salt-and-pepper, but it still took me right back. Who doesn't love to feel like a college kid again?

And nothing takes one's mind off of being in Idaho in November like spying a good, dark, fake tan peeking out from behind Ray-Bans worn indoors. No need to be pining away for the summer past or lusting after Christmas Caribbean cruises when the tropics come strolling down the deli aisle in the form of your pre-skin cancerous self!

A cream colored turtleneck sweater, a fine Italian leather blazer, and black dress slacks. It worked for wealthy sea men in the 1930s, afro-picking swingers in the 1970s, and remains a classic today. Well played, my friend.

Lastly, though perhaps I should have mentioned it first as it was what originally caught my eye, I thank you for your air of superior derision as you graced the rest of us lowly Walmart shoppers with your very presence. It sent a signal of solidarity--a reminder that although some of us would rather be at Neiman Marcus, these hard financial times have reached all walks of life.

Thank you, Mr. Walmart Shopper. Thank you for your style and class. Thank you for a fine example of holding your nose, er, I mean your head high in the midst of the undeserving. Thank you for reminding us all to leave our holey sweats at home. Thank you for the opportunity to practice stifling a laugh.

Most sincerely yours,

The Mousey Mom in the Cape Cod Hoodie in Aisle 9

9 fishy comments:

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I feel somehow akin to him since *I* am usually the classy one at Wal-mart. (I count as classy in Wal-mart if I shaved my legs, right?)

J. P. said...

LOL. I remember the first time I went to WalMart, I was wearing high heeled boots and a wonderful red-coat my mother had purchased. I couldn't figure out why the heck every employee in the store was staring at me! I am now a jeans and sneakers walmart shopper.---Lisa

Heatherlyn said...

You described him so well! At least I know that if you run into me at Wal-mart in my pajamas I will have done nothing worthy of a blog post. :)

2busy said...

Very funny! There is such a diversity of people at Walmart. It is an entertaining place to people watch on date night.

Melanie J said...

Ah, Wal-Mart. Your new friend almost makes it worth the trip. ALMOST. Have you seen www.peopleofwalmart.com? Hilarious.

CaJoh said...

What a great description. It sure sounds like he stood out like a sore thumb.

Thanks for sharing,

Chickiedoodle said...

I have a feeling when you read this ten years from now, you'll cringe.

Barbara said...

Funny! I was a stay-at-home mom for a couple of decades (now I'm working to pay for their college)...I sure wish I'd been able to blog through all those fun times like this. I'll be back to read more!

Mommy Madness said...

Walmart shoppers are like a box of chocolates ....haha you never know what ur gonna get!!!! lol...great description...thnx for the laugh..=P